Nuttin says luvin like a dead cat on the lawn

Have you ever been someplace and the toddlers were better behaved than the adults?

I witnessed a wedding the other day in Sebastopol. And yes, the children had more manners, more class and better shoes than the adults.

OK here goes.

I love being casual, just hanging out in jeans and my old vans. But not at a wedding. If the bride is bold enough to try to wear a new pure white dress, the least you can do is put on some shoes.

The guests at this wedding were dressed um... casually. Men in Cuba Vera shirts (i suspect knock offs) jeans and tennis shoes. Add a Wal-mart cowboy hat and you get the picture. Women in empire waist short dresses and tennis shoes.

OK new rule.. if your calves are bigger than your thighs, you are no longer allowed to wear Capri pants. That's just my opinion.

Casual wedding attire... for the men, LONG sleeved shirts tucked in to khakis, a belt and dark shoes of the nonathletic variety.

For the women, dresses in the correct size that come no higher than mid thigh, no neon colors. And SHOES of the nonathletic variety. (flip flops DO NOT count). A moderate heel is preferred.

A wedding is the celebration of the start of a new life for two people who are good enough friends to buy your ass dinner, buy your ass drinks and get your ass out of the house for an afternoon or evening. Do your part by dressing correctly.

OK, now some simple rules about being a good guest.

Don't yell and holler at someone across the room. Go over and talk to them.

Don't stick your fingers in the cake... The bride's uncle did this (we suspect he did it three times).

Do NOT. get up during the ceremony and go over to the dinner tables and plop down your Louis knock off suitcase you call a purse on the table because you want a seat near the buffet table.

Do not bring your gift to the reception, send it to the couple BEFORE the ceremony.

DO thank the parents as you leave the reception. Even if they didn't pay for the day. They are considered the hosts.

Do not take the centerpiece unless you've been told by the hosts that it is OK. And you are not allowed to take them till the event is over. And do not take more than one.

When participating in the toasts, never mention past indiscretions of the bride or groom. No stories about either of them vomiting outside Chili's or how the bride can out drink an Australian sailor with the flu. If the story involves one member of the happy couple in the back of a Ford F250... don't tell it till after they cut the cake. And then only tell it to the people at your table.

Never ever say to the mother of the groom... "That's a lovely dress, didn't it come in your size?"
(leave that to the florist)

One trip to the buffet is the limit,(unless the reception was held at Fresh Choice) If the plate is too heavy to carry on your own, then you have taken too much.

As far as manners go, A wedding should be treated like a funeral with out the squabbling over Grandma's Noritake China service for 8. Be respectful. Your behavior and appearance at a wedding should never rate a guest spot on Jerry Springer, no matter how tempting that is to you.

The topper to the day in Sebastopol, was discovering a dead cat on the lawn during the reception. After all it IS the country.